Virtual vs real friends

Virtual vs real friends

A recent survey says people are happier and laugh 50% more when talking to a friend face-to-face. So, it's safe to conclude that virtual friendships don't count any more

It's the same scenario with most of us. We have hundreds of — some even have 1,000-plus — friends on social networking sites, but only a handful of 'real' ones. Real friends whom we hang out with, share personal details and spend quality time with. And yet, we keep chatting with our virtual friends on social networking sites almost on a daily basis, instead of nurturing real friendships.

A recent survey concluded that virtual friends don't count. People are happier and laugh 50% more when talking to a friend face-to-face. Also, people find that the most satisfying relationships are with a handful of close friends, with an 'outer ring' of 10 significant others.

Case in point
Nicole Cyrus, 26, banker, has more than 800 friends on a social networking website. "I have way too many friends on my list, but since I don't open up easily, I have few friends who really understand me. So, it is important for me to interact with those friends and I make it a point to do so. Even if it wouldn't be a face-to-face interaction, I make sure I keep in touch," says she.

For instance, Nicole videochats with her best friend who stays in Australia, at least once every week, if not more. She also keeps in touch with other close friends, via phone. "But yes, I guess face-to-face interaction is way more important than just virtual friendship and relationship," she concludes.

Virtual friends are no substitute for real ones
Friends on social networking sites cannot be a substitute for real friends, says psychologist Mansi Hasan, adding, "Social networking sites are the easiest way to keep in touch with those countless people, who we wouldn't be able to keep in touch with due to our busy lives. However, the 'emotional touch' cannot be easily replaced by internet chats, comments and posts."

Hasan says research does suggest that non-verbal and verbal cues both contribute towards creating a connection between two people. The real connection only clicks when we are able to experience that friendship in person, otherwise it's like experiencing a vacation through a virtual tour.

No face-to-face talks on social networking sites
Clinical psychologist Johann Thomas also agrees that friends on social networking sites cannot be a substitute for real friends. The reason is, no amount of virtual friendships will ever prepare us for direct interaction with others. "It is also possible that most people who are comfortable making friends virtually do so because it gives them an option of avoiding face-to-face (FTF) contact with others. They are worried about negative conclusions being drawn about them in a FTF meeting where they will not be able to hide their drawbacks (awkward mannerisms, speech deficits, language difficulty, etc.). Typing online also gives people time to respond, which is a luxury we don't have in FTF communications. This lack of time also reveals our lack of wit and poise in FTF (which we do not want to be known)," he explains.

Face-to-face interactions are more satisfying
According to the study, people are happier and laugh 50% more when talking face-to-face with friends or via webcam than when using social networking sites. Thomas explains,
"The reason could be that human brain reads subliminal cues while interacting face-to-face, which go beyond the individual reading of gestures, facial expressions and words. This integration helps us to better understand what the others are saying or hiding."

Talking on phone/texting vs sharing a smile
The study also said that talking on the phone and texting does not make people feel as good as sharing a smile. "One reason for this is that the majority of processing is done by our vision and we are heavily dependent on sight. Due to this, we have to rely on seeing the genuineness of others' affect (outward expression of internal emotion)," says Thomas.